What is "Christian Forgivenss"???

 

Forgive and you will be forgiven

Dietrich von Hildebrand was a German theologian who was a great friend of Pope Benedict.  I read a book by Dietrich von Hildebrand several years ago, and what he wrote about forgiveness brought me great clarity about what forgiveness is, and also clarity about what forgiveness is not.

 

He wrote that we must forgive everyone interiorly, and so he first points out obstacles to us forgiving a person interiorly.  Those 2 things are 1) Hatred for the offender (which most Americans recognize as not being forgiveness).  But the 2^nd obstacle to interior forgiveness is something that most Americans do NOT recognize, and about this obstacle Von Hildebrand writes: “Another attitude opposed to a Christian spirit of forgiveness is ignoring the wrong inflicted upon us as though nothing has happened.”  Von Hildebrand says “Not saying something harms the offender” and “Pointing it out to the offender is necessary for their own good.”

 

He makes a further distinction that is necessary when a person is a CLOSE friend, a family member; part of our “inner circle”.  He says for those who are close to us “it is essential that the person recognize and repent of the wrong not just for their own good but the sake of the relationship between us.”

And Von Hildebrand also gives suggestions for how best to let the person close to us know that they have committed a serious breach of our friendship…he writes: “we must detach ourselves from the situation of the moment and answer all gestures of irritation and all moral blows with kindness and charity only.”  But he continues: “Yet here we can on no account content ourselves with an act of INWARD forgiveness.  At the proper moment we must in love draw our friend’s attention to their wrong and maintain our desire for the friend to redress the wrong.  We also cannot do this unless we have first inwardly forgiven our friend.”

Why do we first need to INWARDLY forgive our friend?  If we do not INWARDLY forgive our friend, it haunts us…resentment just continues to build and we become bitter….we must INWARDLY forgive any person who harms us in any way so that WE can have PEACE! 

 

Von Hildebrand continues: “It remains true that the full harmony implied by the relationship is not reestablished before our friend has understood and admitted their wrong against us, and asked our pardon for it”

 

Some examples where Jesus clearly points this out:

Luke 17:3 and 4 If your brother [here “brother” means someone in our “inner circle”] sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.  And if he wrongs you seven times in one day and returns to you seven times saying, ‘I am sorry,’ you should forgive him.”

Matthew 18:15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.  If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you and if he still does not listen bring it to the Church.”

 

Jesus, who is desires to forgive us with all of His heart, and who, if we let Him, is our BEST and closest friend, still requires that we say we are sorry before He can forgive us.  When any person goes to the Sacrament of Confession, after saying one’s sins, it is necessary, before the priest prays the words of absolution over you, that you say an Act of Contrition, and contrition means SORROW…a priest cannot pray the words of Absolution over you unless you first tell Jesus “I am sorry!”

 

If you have a friend who has wronged you, a spouse that has wronged you, etc. don’t do the American thing and bury it…let this person know that the relationship can’t be fully restored until the person asks you to forgive him or her. 

 

And what do we do in the mean time?  Jesus tells us at the beginning of this morning’s Gospel – “pray for those who mistreat you”.  We can pray that the person who has wronged us in a serious way asks us to forgive him or her.  And the Mass is the greatest prayer.

 

And so I invite each of us here this morning to ask a question: “who is it that is close to me and still has not asked me to forgive them of something serious?”  Let us pray for them during this Mass and pray for them often. May they one day ask us to forgive them, and until that day, may we never tire of praying for them.