Forgive
and you will be forgiven
Dietrich von Hildebrand was a German theologian who
was a great friend of Pope Benedict. I
read a book by Dietrich von Hildebrand several years ago, and what he wrote
about forgiveness brought me great clarity about what forgiveness is, and also
clarity about what forgiveness is not.
He wrote that we must forgive everyone interiorly, and
so he first points out obstacles to us forgiving a person interiorly. Those 2 things are 1) Hatred for the offender
(which most Americans recognize as not being forgiveness). But the 2nd obstacle to interior
forgiveness is something that most Americans do NOT recognize, and about this obstacle
Von Hildebrand writes: “Another attitude opposed to a Christian spirit of
forgiveness is ignoring the wrong inflicted upon us as though nothing has
happened.” Von Hildebrand says “Not
saying something harms the offender” and “Pointing it out to the
offender is necessary for their own good.”
He makes a further distinction that is necessary when
a person is a CLOSE friend, a family member; part of our “inner circle”. He says for those who are close to us “it
is essential that the person recognize and repent of the wrong not just for
their own good but the sake of the relationship between us.”
And Von Hildebrand also gives suggestions for how best
to let the person close to us know that they have committed a serious breach of
our friendship…he writes: “we must detach ourselves from the situation of
the moment and answer all gestures of irritation and all moral blows with
kindness and charity only.” But he
continues: “Yet here we can on no account content ourselves with an act of INWARD
forgiveness. At the proper moment we
must in love draw our friend’s attention to their wrong and maintain our desire
for the friend to redress the wrong. We
also cannot do this unless we have first inwardly forgiven our friend.”
Why do we first need to INWARDLY forgive our
friend? If we do not INWARDLY forgive
our friend, it haunts us…resentment just continues to build and we become
bitter….we must INWARDLY forgive any person who harms us in any way so that WE
can have PEACE!
Von Hildebrand continues: “It remains true that the
full harmony implied by the relationship is not reestablished before our friend
has understood and admitted their wrong against us, and asked our pardon for
it”
Some examples where Jesus clearly points this out:
Luke 17:3 and 4 If your brother [here “brother” means someone in our “inner circle”] sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he wrongs you seven times in one day and returns to you seven times saying, ‘I am sorry,’ you should forgive him.”
Matthew
18:15 “If your brother sins
against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens
to you, you have won over your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others
along with you and if he still does not listen bring it to the Church.”
Jesus,
who is desires to forgive us with all of His heart, and who, if we let Him,
is our BEST and closest friend, still requires that we say we are sorry before He
can forgive us. When any person goes to
the Sacrament of Confession, after saying one’s sins, it is necessary, before
the priest prays the words of absolution over you, that you say an Act of
Contrition, and contrition means SORROW…a priest cannot pray the words of Absolution
over you unless you first tell Jesus “I am sorry!”
If
you have a friend who has wronged you, a spouse that has wronged you, etc.
don’t do the American thing and bury it…let this person know that the
relationship can’t be fully restored until the person asks you to forgive him
or her.
And
what do we do in the mean time? Jesus
tells us at the beginning of this morning’s Gospel – “pray for those who
mistreat you”. We can pray that the
person who has wronged us in a serious way asks us to forgive him or her. And the Mass is the greatest prayer.
And
so I invite each of us here this morning to ask a question: “who is it that is
close to me and still has not asked me to forgive them of something serious?” Let us pray for them during this Mass and
pray for them often. May they one day ask us to forgive them, and until that
day, may we never tire of praying for them.
