This was my favorite story I ever wrote, even though it got me called into the vice-rector's office for a chat (it was friendly!)
The fake story hints at the idea that Catholics who hate all Church teaching will welcome and be friendly toward anyone BUT a Catholic who actually embraces Church teaching. I though I'd include the fake story on the blog. Enjoy!
Association For Catholics Who Are Ashamed Of The Church Issue Statement
AP – Devils Corner, Arizona - The Association For Catholics Who Are Ashamed Of The Church (AFCWAAOTC) issued a joint doctrinal statement that was the result of a week of very important and worthwhile meetings held in conjunction with the Coalition of Catholics Who Despise Church Teaching (CCWDCT). The statement read “We firmly acknowledge that Daoism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Wicca, Mormonism, Voodoo, and Unorthodox Catholicism as equally valid ways to salvation. We also would like to state that the only invalid way to attain salvation has been determined to be the practice of Orthodox Catholicism.”
Steve Rupinski, the spokesman for the organizations, was asked if it seemed ironic that the only people the statement portrayed as wrong are fellow Catholics. Rupinski noted that “Yes, everyone is indeed cool with whatever they got going on, but we are very concerned about the spiritual practices and devotions of those who actually lovingly embrace Catholicism.”
Rupinski went on to note: “Whether your bag is offering human sacrifice to Ra, waiting on the celestial return of Sun Young Moon, or if you preach the message of Zoroastrianism, our motto is – “Hey, it all works baby.” However, if a Catholic thinks that a Mass can vary aesthetically – or that the Church in Rome in anyway is actually related to the True Church of Jesus Christ - we draw a clear line in the sand. That sort of piety and love for worship is clearly out of bounds, and points people in a closed off trajectory away from salvation.”